Chapter 7, The Human Magnet Syndrome Excerpt

The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us. Emotional Manipulators, Codependents and Dysfunctional Relationships

When it comes to romantic relationships, we are all human magnets!   The Human Magnet Syndrome is another metaphorical explanation of the unconscious force that brings opposite, but compatible, companions together into an enduring and stable relationship.  Although much simpler and less comprehensive than the continuum of self theory, it follows the same basic tenant that two prospective romantic partners are attracted to each other as a result of their opposite, but well matched, and compatible personality types.  While the continuum of self focuses on a person’s self-orientation or continuum of self values (CSVs), the Human Magnet Syndrome conceptualizes the attraction dynamics though the use of a metaphorical compass and magnets, which, like the real things, operate by the properties of magnetism. As human magnets, we are pulled toward a romantic particular partner whose “magnetic polarity” is opposite to ours.

Despite our efforts to a find a romantic partner who unconditionally loves respects and cares for us and who participates  in a mutual and reciprocal relationship, we are inclined to follow a metaphorical “love compass” that will powerfully direct our relationship choices.  Whether we realize it or not, we all use a metaphorical compass when we seek an ideal romantic partner.  We are obliged to follow the direction in which we are led, regardless of our conscious intentions to take a different route.  Even with our promises to ourselves to make rational, safe and healthy choices, we are unable to resist the captivating pull toward the direction that our compass points.  Star-crossed lovers, therefore, are inevitably brought together not because of their conscious choices, but rather because their metaphorical compass has directed them into each other’s loving embrace.

The  romantic relationship that is brought together by an interminably strong magnetic force will survive the test of time, as it adheres to the human instinct to find and stay with a partner who is uniquely compatible and familiar.  According to the continuum of self theory, compatible romantic partners tend to stay true to their unique opposite relationship orientation. The same applies to the human magnet syndrome: we are attracted to and maintain relationships with individuals whose “magnetic polarity” is uniquely opposite and therefore compatible with our own.



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