The Last Part 3 Paragraphs of the Human Magnet Syndrome – Revised

Ross Rosenberg - Codependency ExpertAPPENDIX: Emotional Manipulators and Me – The Evolution of the Concepts 

(Last 3 Paragraphs of the book)

Looking back, it is now clear to me that I needed to hit my own personal “bottom” before I was motivated to figure out a way out of my seemingly instinctive and automatic tendency to perpetually sabotage myself.  I believe that when our personal pain becomes unbearable, or when we can no longer tolerate our unintentional but quite consequential mistakes, we are left with two choices: to continue the merry-go-round of perpetual dysfunction, or to climb, claw or wrestle ourselves out of our own dysfunctional muck.  It seems to me that a power greater than ourselves (for me – God) brings us disaster or heartbreak to open our eyes and see ourselves more clearly.  

Although the pain of our mistakes may motivate us to fight for sanity, we aren’t shielded from the arduous and painful process of personality change.  If we decide to take this psychologically healing journey, the trip will be tough for sure.  We will undoubtedly experience the powerful and unmitigated forces that compel our dysfunctional relationship patterns to persist.  But, when we really want to love someone who celebrates and cherishes us, we will muster the courage to walk through the fire of this emotionally daunting process.  From it, we will come to understand that our mistakes will paradoxically transform into golden nuggets as wisdom.  As my friend, Melody Beattie, best-selling author of “Codependent No More” (1986), recently explained to me, “We draw to us the experiences we need to learn.”  How right she is! 

According to one of my favorite authors and philosophers, Paul Coelho, “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” (Coelho, 2006).  Indeed, the universe heard me!  Although difficult and quite challenging, I chose the path of healing.  My enthusiasm to grow, learn from my mistakes and heal old wounds led me down the winding and somewhat convoluted path that culminated in writing this book.  My commitment to a transformative healing process cannot be separated from my ambition to be an effective psychotherapist – one who could make a difference in the lives of others, much like those therapists who were there for me in 1978.  I am exceptionally honored to be in a career field that allows me to use my own life lessons to help others who wish to break free of the dysfunctional bonds of their past.  By no stretch of the imagination did all of this happen by accident.  I am sure, like so many of my choices, both personal and professional, that my unconscious mind has been working on it for quite some time!

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC

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